Following the dismissal of a lawsuit by the Department of Justice, an apology was issued to the NBPP by president B. Hussein Obama. “Even though the NBPP defendants were in default and had legally lost the case, I directed the DOJ to drop the suit in the interest of justice.” He continued, “Americans were outraged that the Bush administration intervened in a purely African-American matter and displayed obvious racism in filing suit against the NBPP Voting-right Monitors.”

With encouragement from president Obama, the NBPP has secured a $22 million grant from TARP funds. The NBPP immediately let contracts to refurbish a number of FEMA-surplus trailers to serve as recruitment centers for the NBPP's People's Militia. In addition, Chairman Shabazz said, “The funds will allow the NBPP to purchase other military-surplus equipment to assist in our mandate to make sure that black folks vote the right way.”

He continued, “Making sure that our black brothers and sisters get to the polls is our responsibility and understanding HOW to vote is important. We intend to make sure that they vote the right way. We have been so successful that not a single vote was cast for a Republican candidate in any of our monitored precincts."

Sources tell Pesky Truth that the NBPP has also purchased sixteen Vietnam-era APCs (Armored Personnel Carriers), reputed to be M113s, to tow the information centers to wherever they’re needed. The M113s will also be used to transport voters to polling places in safety, and to act as intimidating symbols of black power. For cold-weather voting, ten M2-2 military flamethrowers were also purchased and will warm the approach to the polling place to welcome white voters.”

“No longer will our Freedom Fighters have to accost voters while standing outside of polling places armed only with police batons. Now, they can intimidate voters from the comfort and safety of our up-armored M113s.”

~~~

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor said: "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life." That statement made during a 2001 speech has contributed to a continuing debate over her judgment.

The president dismissed any concerns about her Latina heritage influencing her decisions. He said, “Part of her job is to see the arguments from someone else’s shoes and Judge Sotomayor has promised to do that. She will wear my Desert Tan Berluti loafers when the court is in session and view the arguments as if she were me – since she will, in fact, be in my shoes.”

The president continued, “Previous court decisions were not always gender blind and that was because most of the justices were seeing things from the shoes of white men.” “In view of that, I have asked the Attorney General to file a brief with the court “in meus pes vestis,” requiring the male justices to wear women’s shoes (with sensible heels) throughout their next session.”

President Obama also cautioned the male justices that if wearing women’s shoes didn’t properly refocus their perspective on gender, he’d propose a change to court rules to force them to undergo “Enhanced Empthy Training” (EET) in the form of chemically-induced menstrual cramps and crankiness. He noted that these procedures would be administered by the CIA. The procedures have been cleared by his legal team and are not prohibited by the Geneva Convention.

~~~

Just a short walk from the White House on W. 15^th St. is a trendy new restaurant fast becoming the talk of DC. Noted for its unusual fare, it is one of the places to see and be seen inside the Beltway.

GOP’s (pronounced “Jops”) is an upscale bistro serving rather expensive sandwiches and fancy desserts. The flagship sandwich is called the Philly-buster and is only served to patrons supporting the out-of-power political party - you can lie, if necessary, to order one. The principal aftereffect of a Philly-buster is the prevention any manner of normal activity. It induces a state similar to paralysis and inhibits any sensible actions - it is said to be a favorite of members of Congress.

Another popular choice is the Demo-cramp Deluxe, with secret ingredients reputed to cause severe gastric distress. Rumor suggests that refried beans and habanero peppers contribute to the gassy bloating and flatulence known to accompany the Demo-cramp. The cook verified that the thought was that anyone who chose a Demo-cramp deserved whatever resulted from that unfortunate choice. It is served with a side order of Rolaids and an admonition to avoid enclosed spaces, especially crowded elevators.

My companion tried a Barney Frank sandwich. A pair of warm toasty buns flanked the centerpiece frankfurter which was reportedly made from salami ground into rump steak. It was tastefully garnished with a pair of fruit twinkies. Keeping with the theme, the waiter even confirmed our order back with a lisph (sic).

I had a PITA Pelosi (our waiter confided that PITA stands for Pain in the A**). It was a very unsatisfying pork-filled flat bread sandwich. The Pelosi's exterior was too crusty and wrinkled for my taste and there was far more pork than was necessary. Three kinds in fact: pulled pork, pushed pork, and yanked pork. How I longed for an old fashioned Gingrich hero.

Our visit was topped off with an Obamnificent soufflé. The golden tan outer crust held a promise of gastronomic delights. But unfortunately, as soon as we penetrated the crust, all of the hot gasses escaped with a "poof." Once deflated, it was found to be empty inside except for a pound or so of thick sliced sandwich "meat." So, our verdict on the Obamnificent soufflé concluded that it was all hot air and baloney, and didn’t deliver on its promise. 

Rated ««, save your money – and your stomach lining, go elsewhere.

~~~

The last airline, Colgan Air, has left the airport and they forgot to turn off the lights.

Faced with no flights to anywhere, critics are questioning the need for a longer runway and a monorail tram to carry passengers between terminals. While there is currently only one terminal, Murtha’s staff said that the representative was a visionary and wanted to be ready for the future international flights out of the facility.

Plans include extending the principal concrete runway (RW 33/15) to a length of 15,000 feet to serve as another alternative runway for landing the Space Shuttle. The plans also contain provisions for a Pep Boys-operated maintenance facility to accomplish shuttle repairs, should they become necessary. Pep Boys has agreed to honor their “buy 17, get 1 free” tire promotion for Boeing 747 aircraft.

The monorail system is another sore spot for Murtha’s critics. Some say that he is jealous of Sen. Harry Reid’s monorail and wants one of his own. Murtha was quoted as whining, “Why does Reid get one and I don’t?” An architect’s rendering shows a monorail spanning the 77 ft. from the ticket counter to the Men’s restroom.

Representative Murtha (D-PA), also announced that if he is reelected, he will secure additional funds that will be earmarked for a duty-free shop, separate customs areas to process foreign passengers, and a two-mile, banked, white-only NASCAR track to satisfy his redneck, racist constituents.